Logging off…

I am officially of an age where my son says things to me, and I feel old…really old.

Saturday morning was nice and laid back. Exactly how I like it. Nothing pressing to do, just family time. I sipped coffee as my husband whipped up an amazing breakfast. A breakfast that, oh by the way, set off the fire alarm prompting the fire department to knock on our door. I seriously felt like I was in Backdraft…please tell me someone remembers that movie from the 90’s. Billy Baldwin, Kurt Russell…ringing any bells?!?! Anyways…after many apologies and much embarrassment we sent the firefighters, the one with his ladder and the one with his ax, on their way assuring them that all was well at Casa Catherincchia.

As the coffee flowed and our gourmet breakfast was devoured, the conversation drifted to the internet. I’m not even sure what we were talking about but the next thing I knew I was Googling the sound of “dial-up” internet for my son and nephew to hear. What followed was uncontrolable laughter at this archaic method in which we used to connect to the world-wide web or a.k.a the information super highway…another flashback from the 90’s. The more they laughed, the older I felt. But I couldn’t help being sad for a generation that has never known life without the internet. A generation molded and shaped by phones, apps, and social media. A generation that has never lived without instant communication. A generation that has never known an inability to binge watch whatever they want, whenever they want. A generation that has never truly been logged off.

Last May my husband and I went on a cruise. The second we hit our stateroom he shut off his phone and locked it in the safe. For seven whole days he was completely disconnected from the outside world. Just the thought of that made me sea sick. Of course, I would love to say it was solely because I wanted to stay connected to my kids at home, but that would be a lie. I was on vacation, which meant I would take pictures…I needed my phone. I also needed to share my pictures with the people we were traveling with…I needed my phone. And of course I needed to share some pics on social media and since I was there, why not check up on the outside world by scrolling through Facebook and checking an email or 10…I needed my phone.

In that seven day span of time my husband never checked an email, never scrolled through social media, didn’t even take a stinking a picture. He was completely logged off and you know what? It was the most relaxed he had been in a long time. Nothing to distract him or vie for his attention. He was completely present to enjoy every moment. I can’t say the same for myself.

Fast forward to two weeks ago. I am back on a cruise ship but this time I am on a girls trip. Lets just pause for a moment and give thanks for the ladies that pioneered the idea of a “girls trip.” Ahhhh…so good for the soul. OK, continuing on. As we boarded the ship I made the decision to not get the internet package. For months I had been secretly envious of what my husband had been able to achieve when we cruised together so I decided to see if I could do it too. No Facebook, no Instagram, no emails…nothing for 5 whole days. My phone literally became my watch and my camera, that is it. And for all those concerned that I abandoned my family, I didn’t. My sweet friends allowed me to use their phones to Face-time my boys back home.

What was the conclusion from this little experiment?

I am addicted to my phone.

I could not believe how many times a day I picked up my phone only to realize I couldn’t do anything with it. In fact by the 5th day I caved and got the internet. Of course, I justified this to myself because after all, I had to check in for my flight home. Truthfully, I was just itching to connect. However, this experience made me wonder… how much time a day do I waste mindlessly picking up my phone and scrolling through social media and the internet…checking on my kids and looking at emails way more than I need to?

But isn’t that who we have become as a society?

If we call our kids and they don’t immediately answer we freak out…

Thanks to Life 360 we never need to wonder where our kids or our spouses are…

We put the “Out of the Office” notification on our email accounts yet we are still constantly checking them…

Social media messes with our emotions as we compare our hot mess to everybody elses highlight reel.

And as sad as I am for my son’s generation who has never known life logged off, I am even sadder for my generation. Because we have. We remember the days when communication consisted of an actual conversation over the phone or a face to face meeting. We remember the excitement and anticipation of wanting to tell your best friend the greatest news but 1) not knowing where they were and 2) having to wait until they got home so they could call you. We remember what it was like to sit down as a family, eat dinner together, and actually talk rather than having every face glued to a screen. We remember a time when we were present in the moment rather than taking a picture or a video of every little thing that happens. We know the difference, yet it doesn’t seem to matter. We are as addicted as our kids.

I learned a valuable lesson in my few short days of being logged off…

Technology is a good thing. Too much technology is not. It is not good for our hearts, our minds, our spirits, or our relationships.

God has really been pressing the idea of self-evaluation upon me recently. This year I decided to read the Bible front cover to back cover. This idea was birthed out of  the realization that while I have read the Bible many times, my self-proclaimed ADD usually has me bouncing all over the place. But this year I am disciplining myself to read it, start to finish, no deviations. Now I must confess, last month I was super excited to start the book of Leviticus…NOT!!! Nobody will ever declare Leviticus an exciting read. However, God spoke to me through a verse in Leviticus like nothing I ever expected. This verse grabbed a hold of me and I haven’t been able to shake it.

You must distinguish between what is sacred and what is common

I think for so many of us those lines have become very blurry. In so many ways we have elevated the common to sacred in our lives. The more connected we are the more we look for fulfillment in people’s opinions rather than God’s. Our self worth is now wrapped up in “likes” rather than in things that truly matter…like who God says we are. Whether we want to admit it or not, for so many of us, a common phone or device has become the most sacred thing in our world. Don’t believe me? Lose your phone…break your phone…your reaction will tell you everything you need to know about whether you treat your device as common or sacred.

So what would it look like to log off? To plug-in the phone and walk away? Some of you are breaking out in a cold sweat just thinking about it. But seriously, what if we all did a little experiment and logged off? For an hour, a day, a week, a month. What if we replaced the time spent on our devices with other people or spending more time in the presence of God?  Maybe, just maybe, the freedom to log off is the detox your heart, soul, and mind are craving. And maybe God is just waiting for us to shift our obsessive fixation off the common and onto the sacred so that He can can give us a greater revelation of Himself.

Why not give it a shot. What’s the worst that can happen? We might have to do a #latergram rather than posting in real time. But what is the best that can happen? God might actually begin to show us all the things we have been too distracted to see.



You Are Not Hidden


You are not hidden… There’s never been a moment you were forgotten… ~ Lauren Daigle

Tonight I sat in a room full of people yet I was all alone…

As a parent of autism this is a place that is very familiar to me.

Finding yourself in situations where the circumstances of your journey…all the things that make your family “different” or not “normal” glare at you like a spotlight.

Tonight I sat in a darkened corner. In all fairness, the whole room was dark but when you’re in a corner it feels a little darker. I was in a room full of activity, full of people, yet I felt completely alone. The call for people to come forward, to find freedom in the moment actually didn’t apply to me. As I sat next to my sweet boy, lost in the world of whatever movie he was watching, I was more concerned that in this reverent moment he wouldn’t squeal or scream at the characters on the screen. In fact, as I tried to get into the atmosphere of prayer what I really silently prayed was that my son wouldn’t be a distraction.

All around me prayer and worship occurred yet I was not a part of it…at all. In my darkened corner I simply sat. Alone with my own thoughts, my own prayers, and an occasional kiss from my handsome companion, who was blissfully unaware of what was really happening around him. The spotlight glared and I was once again reminded that autism can often leave you feeling alone in crowd.

As I began to frantically journal my own prayers…I too became oblivious to the events of the room I was in. My focus rested solely on God.

I hear you whisper underneath your breath…I hear your SOS, your SOS ~ Lauren Daigle

As I prayed God reminded me that I am not the only who is living in the struggle. All around me are people fighting a battle…living every day feeling all alone in a sea of people. People who feel the tension of never being able to find freedom because of whatever struggle or burden is hanging around their neck like a noose…attempting to suck the life right out of them at any given moment.

Turning to God’s Word, as I often do when my heart is troubled, I began to read the words of Psalm 138. The words of the Psalmist poured into my heart and enveloped me like the God hug that they were…

As soon as I pray, you answer me; you encourage me by giving me strength…

The Lord will work out his plans for my life – for your faithful love, O Lord, endures forever.

I will send out an army to find you. In the middle of the darkest night. It’s true, I will recuse you. I will never stop marching to reach you. In the middle of the hardest fight. It’s true, I will rescue you. ~ Lauren Daigle

In the darkened corner…

Where no one else sees or understands the full extent of the pain or the struggle…God sees us.

We are not hidden, forgotten, or forsaken. Our God sees us and He meets us in that place of loneliness and isolation…if we would only allow Him in.

He is the God who sees us. The God who can carry us above our circumstances and take us to a place of peace that transcends all understanding.

Tonight in a room full of people it was just me and God. He met me in the struggle and reminded me that I am never alone, He is always near. And while very few people I know understand the complexities and ache of being a parent of autism…God understands. It was Him in that moment reminding me that He is my strength.

The musings of this blog are to tell you that God sees you too. Somebody who will read these words needs to hear that truth right now. You are the reason I wrote this blog. God told me you needed to be reminded that you are not hidden…you have not been forgotten or forsaken. God sees you. He is your strength and your protection. Trust Him! He has not abandoned you…

In the darkest night and in the middle of the toughest fight…He WILL rescue you!!! Let go and trust Him.