You are not hidden… There’s never been a moment you were forgotten… ~ Lauren Daigle
Tonight I sat in a room full of people yet I was all alone…
As a parent of autism this is a place that is very familiar to me.
Finding yourself in situations where the circumstances of your journey…all the things that make your family “different” or not “normal” glare at you like a spotlight.
Tonight I sat in a darkened corner. In all fairness, the whole room was dark but when you’re in a corner it feels a little darker. I was in a room full of activity, full of people, yet I felt completely alone. The call for people to come forward, to find freedom in the moment actually didn’t apply to me. As I sat next to my sweet boy, lost in the world of whatever movie he was watching, I was more concerned that in this reverent moment he wouldn’t squeal or scream at the characters on the screen. In fact, as I tried to get into the atmosphere of prayer what I really silently prayed was that my son wouldn’t be a distraction.
All around me prayer and worship occurred yet I was not a part of it…at all. In my darkened corner I simply sat. Alone with my own thoughts, my own prayers, and an occasional kiss from my handsome companion, who was blissfully unaware of what was really happening around him. The spotlight glared and I was once again reminded that autism can often leave you feeling alone in crowd.
As I began to frantically journal my own prayers…I too became oblivious to the events of the room I was in. My focus rested solely on God.
I hear you whisper underneath your breath…I hear your SOS, your SOS ~ Lauren Daigle
As I prayed God reminded me that I am not the only who is living in the struggle. All around me are people fighting a battle…living every day feeling all alone in a sea of people. People who feel the tension of never being able to find freedom because of whatever struggle or burden is hanging around their neck like a noose…attempting to suck the life right out of them at any given moment.
Turning to God’s Word, as I often do when my heart is troubled, I began to read the words of Psalm 138. The words of the Psalmist poured into my heart and enveloped me like the God hug that they were…
As soon as I pray, you answer me; you encourage me by giving me strength…
The Lord will work out his plans for my life – for your faithful love, O Lord, endures forever.
I will send out an army to find you. In the middle of the darkest night. It’s true, I will recuse you. I will never stop marching to reach you. In the middle of the hardest fight. It’s true, I will rescue you. ~ Lauren Daigle
In the darkened corner…
Where no one else sees or understands the full extent of the pain or the struggle…God sees us.
We are not hidden, forgotten, or forsaken. Our God sees us and He meets us in that place of loneliness and isolation…if we would only allow Him in.
He is the God who sees us. The God who can carry us above our circumstances and take us to a place of peace that transcends all understanding.
Tonight in a room full of people it was just me and God. He met me in the struggle and reminded me that I am never alone, He is always near. And while very few people I know understand the complexities and ache of being a parent of autism…God understands. It was Him in that moment reminding me that He is my strength.
The musings of this blog are to tell you that God sees you too. Somebody who will read these words needs to hear that truth right now. You are the reason I wrote this blog. God told me you needed to be reminded that you are not hidden…you have not been forgotten or forsaken. God sees you. He is your strength and your protection. Trust Him! He has not abandoned you…
In the darkest night and in the middle of the toughest fight…He WILL rescue you!!! Let go and trust Him.
5 thoughts on “You Are Not Hidden”
Thanks Nicki I really needed this tonight Love you all
It may have been me who God wanted to read this. While at the prayer meeting tonight I was in the lobby unable to participate because the music was too loud, the video was too loud and the outloud prayers were terrifying me. As someone with Spina Bifida my senses are heightened and I get over stimulated easily. Much like Autism it was something I was born with, something researchers believe may have given me Hodgkin’s Lymphoma because I can’t integrate my senses. Much like you, nobody can relate, they all think i just like to complain. But God had you write this so at 12:09 am I could read it and be able to sleep peacefully because I now won’t be up all night wondering why iI couldn’t stay in the sanctuary tonight and why I couldn’t connect with God amongst all of the noise. It took me until now while everyone else is asleep to realize I’m not alone in my struggles and that God will speak to me in the quiet. Thank you for continuing to write. God speaks to me through you so often. Thank you for being His willing vessel. I love you Lord, Nikki and your sweet Santino💞
Thanks Nikki. Being divorced, I often feel alone, even when I’m surrounded by many who love me. and are there for me. God ALWAYS though meets me in this lonely place and He rescues me every time.
Thank you for the encouragement!!!
Alone. It’s a big, scary word that means so much for many. Thank you for sharing. There was a time when my aloneness so engulfed me I wasn’t sure where to turn after my daughter died & my divorce. God reached out to me and I realized He is always with me and rescued me. I still have battles with being alone yet., in prayer, have found strength. So many reasons my church home is more important now….
Thank you so much for you blogs, they’re so inspirational to me!